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No one wants to be the person that everyone complains about.
It’s easy to make the assumption that since you “never get any complaints” that your partners are satisfied enough. But since people don’t usually complain to your face, how do you know if people are complaining about you or not?
One method is to take private lessons (which we definitely recommend). Since it is the job of the teacher to be honest with you and give you feedback, you are likely going to learn a bunch of things about your dancing that you were unaware of. The best part is that they can help you start fixing things immediately.
That said, you can do some self-assessment as well.
Follow the steps below and you’ll have a method to self-assess your dancing and help make sure your partners aren’t complaining about you behind your back (or at least not as often).
Create a list of all the common complaints that you could make about dancing with certain people. I’m sure you can think of a handful. Ok, now list any other complaints you hear other dancers make about their dance partners.
Why? If you complain about these things, and other people are complaining about these things, you want to identify them to make sure you’re not doing them!
Here are a few (ok more than a few) to get you started:
Note that these complaints are not so much about personal preferences – they are not just whining about not getting your way. They are complaints about habits that make you uncomfortable, annoyed, restricted, or afraid.
Look at one of the complaints from Step 1 and list out all the reasons your partner might be that way (or do that thing). This might be difficult – it’s not easy to understand the root cause of an issue, but you can try to at least scratch below the surface. Try to think technically, not emotionally.
For example, here are some reasons someone might “feel so heavy”, or “pull early”
Here’s a quick video demonstrating what we mean:
If you want help determining the reasons/causes for a whole bunch of the most common complaints in WCS (as well as how to overcome them), join our Dancer Development Program.
Look at one reason from Step 2 and check to see if you are doing that thing or not when you do your basics and your more advanced moves. You can try a drill, video yourself, or ask a practice partner for feedback.
For example, here is a video showing you how to check if you are adding bicep tension when you think you are stretching:
You might think that you “check all the boxes” and know better than to have these bad habits. But you never know what’s in your blindspot. Almost every student we teach is shocked to discover that they have been making an error they *know* is incorrect/inappropriate. They know it’s wrong, but they didn’t realize they were doing it.
If you are doing one of the things in Step 3, it’s likely because of one of three reasons:
So first, practice your basics and/or advanced moves while focusing on not doing that thing.
If you are successful immediately, the problem is simply #3, so you just need to stay focussed to remind yourself.
If you are not successful immediately, and your practice attempts are inconsistent, your problem is #2: you need more feedback from a teacher or practice partner so you can physically learn how to do the thing you cognitively understand.
If you are confused about how to even start, how you should execute a drill, or why this is even important, your problem is #1: time to get some 1 on 1 time with a teacher.
Why? You want to self-asses and address the problem for every possible reason/cause, that way you can be sure you are not guilty of any of them. Then if you do catch something, see Step 4 (Address the problem).
Why? To systematically give yourself a total diagnostic checkup. Remember no one knows what’s in their blindspots.
If this feels like a lot of work, we can help make it much easier for you! This is the process we use to improve our students so we’ve already done all of this work many many times. Join our Dancer Development Program and save yourself hundreds of hours of time.
While this is a fantastic method to improve your dancing, it is often a lot slower of a method of improving compared to taking private lessons, or finding a training that shows you how to overcome all these complaints.
In Step 1, there might be certain complaints that you aren’t aware of yet.
In Step 2, there might be reasons for those complaints that you aren’t aware of yet.
In Step 3, you might not know how to check to see if you are doing those things or not.
In Step 4, you might not know how to adjust your basics so you aren’t doing those things.
So while I definitely recommend using the method shown above, and using it often, if you want to improve much faster, we have a training that has already figured out the answers to all these steps. That way, all you have to do is focus on Step 4 for the things that specifically relate to your dancing…and we’ll even help you determine what those are!
What’s more, we can train you to survive, compensate for, and adapt to a wide variety of partner habits so all those complaints you have about your partners disappear!
Click here to learn more about this Dancer Development Program
This article assumes you have your basic human essentials already: hygiene, etiquette, positive energy.
But just to cover all the bases, you might want to check in on those too.
Here are a few articles to catch you up:
Etiquette is a part of the culture of social dancing that is often taken for granted. We all assume that since we feel like we are doing fine, that others will perceive us the same. Everyone assumes the advice applies to everyone but themselves. …but are you SURE? You may have heard some of these tips before, but
Girls*, let’s chat. The boys had their turn with Guy-Guidance and Dude-Dilligence. Now it’s our turn. I’d like to address some of the common concerns and complaints I hear from women in my Feminine Styling Intensive, private lessons, and in personal conversations. It’s a bit of tough love specifically for women, whether they lead or follow. There was
“What should you do if…”, “What happens when…”, “How can I handle…”, “How do I deal with…” These are all questions that students of all levels batter their teachers with. They are tactical questions – they ask for circumstantial advice, or recommendations for particular situations that have to do with not just the physical side of
MEN! You have questions, maybe you’re too shy to ask, or maybe you’re afraid of being judged for asking. Myles has heard it all, and is here to provide the answers! Champion leader Myles Munroe answers 21 probing questions from men who dance West Coast Swing, including 5 questions that everyone wonders about but avoids asking. There’s something
If you haven’t heard about this psychological concept, you need to. Understanding it can have a profound effect on your dancing, but also other areas of your life you may be self-sabotaging. Let me give you a little definition first, then I’ll discuss how this could be… the most important thing you ever learn
“I feel pulled early”
